Love Dare - Love is not Selfish

I started this post a few days ago and have been dwelling on it even longer. Day 3 (yep, I'm working on some really loooong days here!) is Love is not Selfish.

I can't tell you how many times over the almost 14 years I've been married I've thought about how selfish my husband was (bear with me here!). And since I've come to know the Lord again, I can't count how many times I've cried out to God asking why I had to be with such a selfish man.

Well, apparently God has been answering me this whole time, the problem is until recently I was whining so loud about how selfish I thought my hubby was, I could not hear His answer. I've finally stopped to take a breath though and have started to hear Him. Know what he is saying?

He's telling me that it is not my concern as to whether or not my husband is being selfish, it is only my concern as to how selfish I'm being. Of course at first I denied any selfishness wholeheartedly. After all, I had shown Christianly love by dealing with my husband, right?

God does not seem to think so. So I've been learning little by little lately just how very selfish I really am. God keeps revealing different areas where I've labeled my selfishness with things such as "independence", "me-time", "what is best for us", and the list goes on and on.

But He was not done there. Next He started to reveal how very manipulative I am at times, especially to the one I love the most, the one I promised to share my life with for better or worse.

But Wait! There's more!

Many times when I start to catch myself doing something or saying something to subtlely (or not so subtlely at times) manipulate my husband I find out just how deep this runs. I recognize what I'm doing and decide on a different approach instead. Just as I'm congratulating myself for being so humble and wise, I feel a tap on my shoulder. God's whisper says, "Angela, my love. You are still doing it." Ouch! It seems this manipulation thing runs so deep in me that I do it without even realizing it at times. It has become second nature. I find I have to no power to stop even when I try my hardest over and over again.

The only time I start to find myself overcoming this are those times when I first notice myself doing this and I cry out to the Lord to reveal His path to me. And then as I walk down it I have to continue to cry out to Him and hold onto Him as He leads me because I've found I'm very easily distracted.

So . . . Love is not Selfish. This day's dare has taken almost 3 weeks of wrestling to get it to just begin to sink in. I've decided this one is similar to being humble. If you think you have it figured out and are living it out, you are probably the furthest from it. I'll just keep crying out and holding on!