Love Dare - Love is not Irritable

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.  ~ Proverbs 16:32

This dare has really spoken to me today.  This relates to not only my marriage, but my entire family.  I want to be less irritable with my husband and my children.  I want to do less yelling and more loving of my family, showing them grace and letting God's love flow through me to them.

According to the Love Dare book, there are two contributing reasons to irritability.  The first is stress.  While I do have this in my life, it is not to the extent that I've had in the past.  So you would expect my irritability with my family would have lessened over the past year.  But this does not seem to be the case.

The second reason was selfishness.  This is usually due to lust (being ungrateful for what you have and burning with desire for things you don't have), bitterness, greed and pride.  Ouch!  I think this is where my irritability stems from, pride probably being the biggest culprit.

In Matthew 12:34 Jesus says "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  If this is true (and since it is God's words, it is) then what is in my heart is not good.

So, the question is how to change this.  I need my heart so filled with God's love that it overflows into all areas of my life.  The key is love.  As my heart is filled with God's love the selfishness and therefore the irritability will fade from my life.

Recently I came across a suggestion to find 40 verses in the Bible about anger.  To write them down and then read them at least 2 times a day aloud for 40 days.  By the end of that time the verses would begin to be written on your heart and at times when irritability begins to rise you will be able to use these verses.  I really like this idea and have begun a search for my 40 verses.

However, last night as I thought on this more I realized that while these verses are the Words of God and therefore, full of power, they would only help to keep down the irritability and anger in my heart.  They would in a way just be a mask or a reactive solution to the root cause.  Memorizing these verses are definitely good, but I felt there needed to be more.

I need to fill my heart with God's love so there is no room for the selfishness that breeds irritability and anger instead of just learning how to fight these emotions/reactions.  How do I do this? 

It came to me that this is why I've been studying David and his heart for God.  The way to fill my heart with God's love is to pursue His heart and His emotions.  To understand His love for me.  So I decided in addition, to these 40 verses dealing with anger, I'm going to search Scriptures for 40 verses regarding God's unfailing and passionate love for me and I will read those 2 times a day as well. 

I believe if I begin to start and end my days with verses about how much the Lord loves me even in my weakest moments, this may finally really sink into my mind and heart.  At that point I won't be able to help but return the same love to the Lord.  As His love fills my heart and life I will find more patience and peace with my family - those I love the most.

Grieving the Holy Spirit

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
~Ephesians 4:29-32

We read this at church last week and one person mentioned how the command to not grieve the Holy Spirit is smack dab in the middle of these verses which deal with how we speak and what we harbor in our hearts toward others. Therefore, when we allow unwholesome talk to proceed from our mouths or let bitterness, rage, anger and so forth, fester in our hearts, we are not only hurting those we are directing these things at, we are grieving the Holy Spirit. We are causing our Lord to grieve.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the cause of grief for my Lord. I know in reality I already am - every time I sin I grieve Him (which is why I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace). But for scripture to point this out so clearly in these verses makes me think that these are things I should pay careful attention to in my life.

God specifically pointed out these things to me the other night (read Hatred and Bitterness) in regards to two people in particular (at work). This is something that with His Strength I need to address. However, I also need to remember to apply this to those I profess to love the most. Sometimes we treat those we love the most, the worst - we so easily take them for granted.

That is one of my main purposes for this blog, to nuture a thankful heart towards my dear husband, no matter what is going on in our lives. When I let the things in the verses above rule my life and my relationship with my husband it has some very serious consequences which in the past I never dwelt on. Hateful words spoken in anger or frustration (whether "deserved" or not) grieve my husband which in turn harms my marriage. They also grieve my Lord which in turn harms my relationship with Him as well.

In order to ensure I remember this during those times when I find my natural inclination is to lose my patience and lash out at others, I'm going to write these verses down on a few index cards and post them where I will be able to be continually reminded about them (work, bathroom mirror, in my car). We are told to hide God's Words in our heart, I think these words are a good start.