Last Friday, SUM broadcast their second installment for the Intentional Marriage. Dineen led this webcast and did an amazing job. The message was inspiring and encouraging and she introduced us to Mr. Wonderful! Check it out. It is a great message on how to love our husbands just the way they are and how to let go of unrealistic expectations we may have.
One part of the Intentional Marriage is a monthly meme. We are once again giving advice to our younger selves. This month Lynn and Dineen asked us to speak about a quirk or habit of our beloved that has been with him since we first got married and give advice to our younger self regarding this quirk.
I've given this some thought over the last few days and decided that the quirk that I probably could have used the most advice about when we were first married is my beloved's snoring. I know many men snore and I've heard the complaints before and I'm sure there are other men who snore much worse than my husband. However, to give you an idea, we went camping with another couple in Yellowstone one summer when we were first married. We had two small one-man tents that each couple squeezed into. My husband slept diagonally in our tent - head in one corner and feet in the opposite corner. I lay curled up with his back as my pillow. I awoke in the middle of the night to the whispers of my friend.
"Brian, Brian! Wake up. I think there is a bear out there!"
I calmly whispered back to her, "It's okay. It's just Shaun's snoring. We won't have to worry about bears, none will come within miles of us."
I remember early in our marriage asking my father, who worked in a sawmill, if I could take some of his earplugs so I could wear them at night. That at least helped me get to sleep, although they often fell out during the night and then I had a scavenger hunt in the morning trying to find them.
At one point I realized that if he slept on his stomach the snoring was not as bad. I would often wake up and try to get him to roll over. He is very hard to wake up so this often resulted in him still being asleep but fighting me. There were many mornings where he would wake up and ask me if he had been snoring the night before. He could tell because his arm was sore where I had been tugging and pulling (and sometimes hitting, I hate to admit) his arm in my desperate attempt to get him to roll over. One night I remember actually laying on the bed sideways, bracing me feet against his side and holding onto the side of the bed and pushing as hard as I could. That worked temporarily as he stopped snoring as he hit the bedroom floor. But alas, he did not even wake up - only rolled over on the floor and began snoring again!
So...what advice would I give myself? I'm still honestly not sure. I would definitely tell myself not to get so frustrated with him though. I think a part of me often felt like he was doing this on purpose. Crazy I know, but who can fathom the reason of a young bride's mind. I do realize I should have probably done more research to find ways to help him instead of just getting angry with him. As the years have gone by his snoring has actually gotten better for various reasons. And I think a part of me has just gotten used to it as well. Now I actually miss it when he is not sleeping with me, it is almost too quiet.
And after having children, I began snoring myself. He now has begun to get a taste of what I dealt with when we were first married.
But seriously to get back to the point of this meme - regarding this quirk and every quirk of my dear husband - if I could go back and talk to myself on my wedding day I would remind myself to not take myself or life's little annoyances too seriously (Some advice I should probably give to myself right now!). To cherish the little quirks about my husband that annoy me at times because someday I will miss those same things when he is gone. And I have plenty of quirks of my own and I can't expect him to be forgiving of mine if I am not able to look past his. And I would tell myself to invest in some good earplugs that won't fall out.
As I write this I was reminded of something someone shared awhile back on Facebook (I think it may have been Lynn!) and I think now is a good reminder for it. Please take some time and watch this video. Then take some time to appreciate all those little quirks about your beloved that make them who they are, those things that you will one day miss.