Prayer Attitudes - Are my Prayers the Problem?

I'm not sure about others reading this, but my hubby can be a bit moody at times. I joke with him that men get PMS just like women, they just won't admit to it like we do.

He is actually a pretty quiet guy most of the time, which means when things are not good he usually gets even quieter. I've learned that one of my love languages is words of affirmation. This and experiences growing up have resulted in my being very sensitive to the tone of others. I tend to be very aware of someone's tone of voice when they are speaking to me and unfortunately if I am not careful I tend to take it personally - so if someone is not happy I try to "fix" it.

This annoys my hubby to no end. If he is having a bad day he is very quiet. The problem is, if he is upset with me he acts pretty similar. He shuts me out and gives me the silent treatment. So sometimes it is hard for me to tell the difference between him being upset with me and him just having a bad day. I have a tendency to ask him several times if he is okay and if he is upset with me. If he is not upset with me already, he is after my asking that a few times. So I've been trying to work on that.

The past few days he has been a bit "moody" again. We are a bit tight on finances like many and I know that stresses him out. In addition, we had to put our dog down a couple days ago. We've had her for 11 1/2 years and although we knew this was coming it was a bit hard. I think it was even harder on him seeing how our daughter took it. So I think this is all getting him down.

It is hard sometimes when he is like this to know how to act. Do I just give him his space and leave him alone or do I just act cheerful and happy, as if I don't notice that he is pouting and having a snappy tone towards me? Most times it seems like whatever I choose, it is the wrong choice.

I've been trying very hard lately to pray about this. My problem many times is I just don't know how to handle this in the best way. I need wisdom and discernment just to know what to do in these situations (as opposed to times when I know what I should do, I just don't want to do it! But that is a whole other post!)

So last night on my way home I called my hubby to see if he needed me to pick up anything. I knew just from that short conversation that he was in a "mood" again. So I found myself starting to pray on my way home. That is good since in the past my automatic reaction would have been to steam all the way home about how rude he was. By the time I got home I would have worked myself up so that a fight was inevitable. But my first reaction last night was to pray.

"Dear Lord, please give me wisdom and discernment in how to deal with my husband when I get home."

All of a sudden it hit me! I almost put on my brakes in the middle of the freeway without realizing it! Maybe part of the problem is my prayers!? It was like a bolt of lighting from God hit me with understanding. I resumed praying again, but changed one word -

"Dear Lord, please give me wisdom and discernment in how to LOVE my husband when I get home."

God showed me even my attitude while praying is important. Asking Him to show me how to "deal" with my husband was still putting the emphasis on me. I was being selfish - just caring about how I could get through the evening without "losing it". I was feeling sorry for myself and becoming the martyr in the relationship again. Instead I need to focus on how to LOVE my husband. How to show him that no matter what his day has been like, I love him and care for him - and that I will continue to do so no matter what.

Talk about humbling! Everytime I start to think that I have this "good" wife thing down - God sends another bolt of discernment my way - revealing yet another part of my selfishness - which in turn makes me realize even more so how amazing his grace is towards me!

Serving Christ in your Marriage

"It doesn't take a good man, or even a saved man, for a woman to have a heavenly marriage, but it does take a woman willing to honor God by being the kind of wife God intended."
~ Created to be his Helpmeet, Chapter 5: The Gift of Wisdom

We must remember, in loving our husbands God is not asking anything of us that He has not already done himself for us. Even if we believe our husband is horrible we need to remember how many times we've been horrible to God, basically spit in His face and turned from Him. Even so He chose to faithfully love us anyway and serve us by giving His life for us, by continuing to pursue us with His unconditional love.

He will give us the strength and wisdom to love our husbands the same way He loves us, if we but ask.

"You serve Christ by serving your husband, whether your husband deserves it or not."
~ Created to be his Helpmeet, Chapter 5: The Gift of Wisdom

God calls us to love him first with all our heart, mind and soul. After that His next commandment is to love our neighbor as ourself.

Who is your neighbor? Anyone with whom we come in contact. Not just our friends and those who are easy to love - but everyone. Even our enemies. Especially our enemies! God tells us to pray for our enemies and He tells us our battle is not against flesh and blood.

If we can't love the person we share our home and lives with, who can we love? Some women unfortunately see their husbands as the enemy. I honestly have done so at times myself. But God wants us to see that He placed our husband's in our lives for a reason, and it was not to be our enemy. But if that is how we do see them, then the first step is to pray for our enemy and ask God to show us how to love our enemy. Ask Him to show us how to see our husband through His Eyes. Show us how to have His Heart for our husband. That is the beginning of a heavenly marriage in this imperfect world.

"Women who have difficulties in their marriages usually follow their feelings and just react. But you must stop trusting your hurt responses or the advice you receive from the world, for today's media communicates a worldview that is skewed at best."
~Created to be his Helpmeet, Chapter 5: The Gift of Wisdom

Until recently this was me, reacting to my husband and situations in my marriage based on my hurt responses. Some of them were legitimate, some were not. Regardless, reacting based on the hurt only harms my marriage. I'm slowly learning to serve Christ through my marriage and to react in love towards my husband in all situations. Everyone we know and are close to will hurt us at some time, especially someone you live with and are intimate with. The key is how we respond. I will admit I still have times when I revert back to my old hurt responses (happened this last weekend in fact) however, when that happens we need to ask for forgiveness, ask God for His wisdom and His heart to continue on and start afresh.