And the Winner is....

The winner of the FREE copy of "Winning Him Without Words" is

Brooke!!! 

Congratluations - I will be sending you an email to get your address so I can send you your copy.  And thank you to everyone who entered. 
I love being able to give away books and will try to do more in the future.  I've read a few really good books recently that have helped me in my marriage journey.  I will be posting reviews of those books - and who knows, I may be able to give out some copies of them as well!  So stay tuned because God has been inspiring me in many ways regarding my marriage lately and given me the desire to share that inspiration, hope and wisdom with each of you.

I will soon be posting more on covenant marriage as well as other topics that can benefit any marriage, regardless of what stage of the journey you are in.  Check back soon. 

Also, if you did not make it over to SUM last week to see my post on The Power of a Three Stranded Cord in an Unequal Marriage last Monday I invite you to check it out. 

Free Book Giveaway - Winning Him Without Words

I am so excited today to introduce two very dear friends of mine, Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  These two women, who have inspired me, encouraged me and prayed with me have just had their first book published - "Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage" and they have been so kind as to provide me with a copy to give away.  So keep reading and LEAVE A COMMENT to be entered to win a FREE copy of  this amazing book.

Lynn and Dineen have been ministering to women (and men) in spiritually mismatched marriages for quite some time now through their blog Spiritually Unequal Marriage (SUM) and this book is the next step the Lord has for them in doing His work.  These two women understand the unique issues faced by those who love the Lord but are not able to share that love with the person they care most about on this earth, their beloved spouses.  They know the frustrations, heartache, misunderstanding and lonliness that can accompany these marriages at times because they have lived through it themselves.  However, with the help of the Lord they have learned how to not only survive their differences in marriage, but to thrive despite them!  And now they are sharing that wisdom and hope with others.

This is not a "miracle-cure" on how to get your spouse saved or how to get them to be everything you've always wanted them to be.  Instead, they give practical advice on how to make changes to the one thing you can control in your marriage - yourself - and how to give up the rest to the One who is in control - God!  I truly believe there are some wonderful nuggets in this book that would benefit every marriage, whether spiritually mismatched or not.

They have written this book in such as way that as I read it, I felt that I was sitting across the table from an old friend having coffee. It is so obvious while reading that they can relate to exactly what you are experiencing and have walked the same path.  They give practical advice on how to put your trust in God, to have hope in what is often a hopeless situation and learn to enjoy and thrive in the present. They are examples of how you don’t have to wait until your husband puts his faith in God before you can truly enjoy your marriage and share a deep and intimate bond with your spouse.

I personally plan to read this book at least once a year as a reminder that God has enabled me to truly love and cherish my beloved husband whether or not he shares my faith in God.


SNEAK PEEK:

Inside this book you'll find 10 Christ-centered keys that will release God's love into your marriage, including:

1. Commit to Christian community
2. Dont' save your husband, save yourself
3. Stay connected to your man
4. Discover the essentials to love
5. Believe your marriage is blessed
6. Trade perfection for authenticity
7. Pick and choose your battles
8. Cherish each new season
9. Put on the armor of God
10. Pray the most dangerous prayer

Each chapter ends with discovery questions and a prayer to help apply the information to the reader's life in practical and encouraging ways.  Also included is advice about raising children in an unequally yoked marriage and a study guide for use in a group setting.

• Know You’re Not Alone: (Lynn) Recognizing that we aren’t the only person living in an unequally yoked marriage is a key aspect to restoring hope. Having Christ in our lives enables us to view our husbands as the wonderful man God created, regardless of your different beliefs.

• Don’t Save Your Husband – Save Yourself: (Lynn) The best thing I ever did was to get out of the way so that Jesus could be Jesus. I relinquished control and turned my man completely over to Christ and an unexpected, peaceful freedom emerged in our marriage.

• Trade Perfection for Authenticity: (Dineen) I came to understand that many of my disappointments had come from expectations I’d placed upon him to fulfill needs he wasn’t even aware of. In the end, all I really accomplished was a heart full of resentment.

• Keep Your Armor On-You’re at War! (Dineen) Instead of putting on the label of martyr in a spiritually mismatched marriage, we need to put on the label of missionaries. We need to think of ourselves as soldiers on the front lines of our marriages.

To learn more about this book please visit their website at http://www.winninghimwithoutwords.com/ where you can find more informaiton about the authors, reviews from others (I'm one of them!) and links to purchase the book.

And don't forget to leave a comment here for a chance to win a FREE copy of the book.  But before you do, please take a moment to watch this video of Lynn and Dineen talking about their new book.




http://www.winninghimwithoutwords.com/

Will I ever sleep again?

Last Friday, SUM broadcast their second installment for the Intentional Marriage.  Dineen led this webcast and did an amazing job.  The message was inspiring and encouraging and she introduced us to Mr. Wonderful!  Check it out.  It is a great message on how to love our husbands just the way they are and how to let go of unrealistic expectations we may have.

One part of the Intentional Marriage is a monthly meme.  We are once again giving advice to our younger selves.  This month Lynn and Dineen asked us to speak about a quirk or habit of our beloved that has been with him since we first got married and give advice to our younger self regarding this quirk.

I've given this some thought over the last few days and decided that the quirk that I probably could have used the most advice about when we were first married is my beloved's snoring.  I know many men snore and I've heard the complaints before and I'm sure there are other men who snore much worse than my husband.  However, to give you an idea, we went camping with another couple in Yellowstone one summer when we were first married.  We had two small one-man tents that each couple squeezed into.  My husband slept diagonally in our tent - head in one corner and feet in the opposite corner.  I lay curled up with his back as my pillow.  I awoke in the middle of the night to the whispers of my friend.

"Brian, Brian!  Wake up.  I think there is a bear out there!"

I calmly whispered back to her, "It's okay.  It's just Shaun's snoring.  We won't have to worry about bears, none will come within miles of us."

I remember early in our marriage asking my father, who worked in a sawmill, if I could take some of his earplugs so I could wear them at night.  That at least helped me get to sleep, although they often fell out during the night and then I had a scavenger hunt in the morning trying to find them. 

At one point I realized that if he slept on his stomach the snoring was not as bad.  I would often wake up and try to get him to roll over.  He is very hard to wake up so this often resulted in him still being asleep but fighting me.  There were many mornings where he would wake up and ask me if he had been snoring the night before.  He could tell because his arm was sore where I had been tugging and pulling (and sometimes hitting, I hate to admit) his arm in my desperate attempt to get him to roll over.  One night I remember actually laying on the bed sideways, bracing me feet against his side and holding onto the side of the bed and pushing as hard as I could.  That worked temporarily as he stopped snoring as he hit the bedroom floor.  But alas, he did not even wake up - only rolled over on the floor and began snoring again!

So...what advice would I give myself?  I'm still honestly not sure.  I would definitely tell myself not to get so frustrated with him though.  I think a part of me often felt like he was doing this on purpose.  Crazy I know, but who can fathom the reason of a young bride's mind.  I do realize I should have probably done more research to find ways to help him instead of just getting angry with him.  As the years have gone by his snoring has actually gotten better for various reasons.  And I think a part of me has just gotten used to it as well.  Now I actually miss it when he is not sleeping with me, it is almost too quiet.

And after having children, I began snoring myself.  He now has begun to get a taste of what I dealt with when we were first married.

But seriously to get back to the point of this meme - regarding this quirk and every quirk of my dear husband - if I could go back and talk to myself on my wedding day I would remind myself to not take myself or life's little annoyances too seriously (Some advice I should probably give to myself right now!).  To cherish the little quirks about my husband that annoy me at times because someday I will miss those same things when he is gone.  And I have plenty of quirks of my own and I can't expect him to be forgiving of mine if I am not able to look past his.  And I would tell myself to invest in some good earplugs that won't fall out.

As I write this  I was reminded of something someone shared awhile back on Facebook (I think it may have been Lynn!) and I think now is a good reminder for it.  Please take some time and watch this video.  Then take some time to appreciate all those little quirks about your beloved that make them who they are, those things that you will one day miss.

Advice to My Younger Self

Dineen and Lynn just started a new endeavor over at SUM called the Intentional Marriage.  I was fortunate to be able to watch their first live broadcast and it was amazing.  I'm so excited for this new project.  I believe God's fingerprints are all over this and it will bring hope and inspiration to many women and help to bring healing to many marriages.

Each month we viewers will have a chance to participate by doing a meme challenge.  This month's challenge was to look back to our wedding day and give our younger selves advice about what we've learned over the past years.  It can be humorous, practical or just a positive bit of wisdom that we wished we had known back then.

I just celebrated 15 years of marriage last month to my high school sweetheart.  As I look back to my younger self (and I was young - only 20!) I know there are so many many things that I have learned, but the last few days I've found it hard to put these things into words.  I wish I could say I've got it all figured out now and that if I had the opportunity to step into a time machine I could tell my younger self everything I need to know to ensure I live happily ever after.  But alas, we live in reality, not a fairy tale.  And even 15 years later I don't have it all figured out yet.   I imagine in 15 more years I may only be slighthly less lost than I am now.

However, as I sit here a few things do come to mind.  Things I've learned that I wish I had discovered earlier in order to avoid some pain and heartache - both mine and my husband's.

First, I probably would have waited a bit longer.  Heather over at Behind the Scenes gave this advice and I could not agree with her more.  I'm not sure that I would not have married my beloved if I had waited a while longer - although I think I still may have.  However, more time to get to know each other better would probably have helped us to avoid many obstacles we've dealt with over the years.  We were both very young and really did not yet know what we wanted for our lives.  We were high school sweethearts and suddenly found ourselves in a long distance relationship when my beloved went to Arizona for school, while I stayed behind in Washington State.  I had alot of insecurities back then that I've just started to work through recently.  Those same insecurities I believe caused me to rush into a marriage that most likely would have benefited from knowing one another a bit better before we started trying to share a small 480 sq ft university housing apartment.  Don't get me wrong, I don't regret marrying my husband and I still love him dearly.  However, I think we both would have avoided alot of misunderstandings and pain if we had taken the time to really get to know one another before we were married. 

Second, I would remind myself that we do not live in a fairy tale.  Love is not just an emotion, it is a choice we make daily.  It is a putting aside of ourselves to understand the needs of the other person.  Marriage is not 50/50 like I thought back then.  We both need to give 100% or more to make it work, even if the other person is not giving or putting forth their fair share.  Marriage is not about holding grudges and it is not about keeping score.  It is about trying to look past our own insecurities and offenses to understand the person with whom we have chosen to share our lives.

I often look back to that first couple years we were married and I'm amazed we survived.  We went from seeing each other every 6 - 9 months to living in a very very small apartment.  We fought over everything, including whose toothbrush went in which hole in the holder.  People would ask how long we'd been married and when we told them they would smile and make a remark about the "honeymoon" stage.  I remember looking at my husband thinking if this was the honeymoon stage, we were in trouble!  I think part of the problem is that we did not communicate much before we were married.  Neither of us had realistic expectations and neither of us knew or understood the other's expectations.  I joke now that when we first married my reaction was "We are married!  Now we will spend every minute together!" while my husband's reaction was "We are married!  Now I can spend more time with my friends without feeling like I'm neglecting her."  Needless to say, that did not get us off to a good start.

I'm learning more and more every day how important honest and open communication is in a marriage.  We can't expect the other person to read our minds or even read between the lines.  And in addition, to communication we need to work on not getting offended.  We need to try to look past our hurt feelings to understand what is driving our spouse.

As part of this month's challenge, Lynn also encouraged us to post pictures from our wedding day.  So here are a few of my favorites.  I had to take pictures of my pictures with my phone so please look past the weird color and fuzziness.

Our 1st Dance as Husband & Wife

Unanswered Prayers - It's NOT about me! (or you!)

A friend of mine is doing a series about Unanswered Prayers.  On Friday she did a post called, It's NOT About Me! which I found very profound and convicting.  I recommend you check it out.  Even if your husband is a Believer I think there are some good nuggets in this post for you.  Things in your husband's life, his relationship with God, where you may feel tempted to put in your two cents at times.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in the same situation, how many times I've caught myself thinking about how much easier it would be on me if my husband would just submit to the Lord.  And each time, if I listened carefully I would hear the Lord saying "it's not about you, my dear!"

How true.  I need to remember that my husband's relationship with God is between him and God.  I am not part of that equation.  I'm called to love him and pray for him, period!