Today's Thankful Heart - March 25, 2010

I've not done this in quite awhile, in fact I've not been blogging much at all lately.  But this evening as I sat here trying to wind down after a crazy and stressful week, knowing the same is ahead of me I started thinking of all the things I am thankful for today.  I decided it is better for me to focus on those things right now and thank God for all that He has done in my life, rather than worry about things that I need to do tomorrow and the next day. 

Today I thank the Lord for:

• My husband - yes we have our issues and to be honest I have my days where I just want to not even talk to him, but I know for a fact that goes both ways.  And in the end I know he is the one the Lord wants me to be with, he is the one I love no matter what and he is the one who has had a huge influence on who I am today.  God has used him so many times to teach me things about myself, to refine me.  He is an amazing man and when I bother to look past all the "junk" we tend to focus on, I know that he is my beloved.  Many times the people in our lives is not the problem as much as our focus and reactions are the issue.  This is so true with the person you have vowed to spend your life with.  It is so easy to take them for granted and focus on the "bad" things.  Love and marriage is about not focusing on what the world tells us to look at - it is about focusing on what the Lord wants us to look at - to treat our spouses with grace, forgiveness and the love that Christ has for us.

• My kids - Once again, those you love the most can be the ones to drive you crazy the most!  I truly am shocked at times that I don't have any gray hair yet.  But underneath all the craziness I love my children madly.  They are my world and even when I long to get away for some peace and quiet I know that after only a very short time I would begin to miss them terribly.  They try my patience, but they touch and warm my heart even more.  They love me no matter what, even when Mommy has "snapped" and lost it.  They are my precious little blessings.

• My job - my current position at work has been a blessing beyond belief.  And it is a reminder constantly from the Lord that He will keep His promises.  I held on for so long at jobs that I felt were sucking the life out of me at times.  Jobs that I grew depressed thinking of doing for the rest of my life.  But I never felt the "ok" from the Lord to move on.  I had plenty of opportunities but I never felt the Lord telling to me go, until this position came along.  And now I am so thankful that I waited on Him.  Yes, it is crazy and stressful right now - but I know it could be much worse.  I have a wonderful manager, I love the work I do the majority of the time and my job is flexible when I need it to be.  This is the perfect example in my life as to why I need to wait on the Lord even when things seem unbearable.  He will be my Strength!

Wow - it is amazing how great it feels to focus on your blessings.  And now with my focus on these I'm going to go discipline my dear boys who are supposed to be laying quietly in my room watching cartoons before bed but sound like they are starting WWIII and then I'm going to do some more work.  I pray everyone has a wonderful and blessed eveing.

Unanswered Prayers - It's NOT about me! (or you!)

A friend of mine is doing a series about Unanswered Prayers.  On Friday she did a post called, It's NOT About Me! which I found very profound and convicting.  I recommend you check it out.  Even if your husband is a Believer I think there are some good nuggets in this post for you.  Things in your husband's life, his relationship with God, where you may feel tempted to put in your two cents at times.

I can't tell you how many times I've been in the same situation, how many times I've caught myself thinking about how much easier it would be on me if my husband would just submit to the Lord.  And each time, if I listened carefully I would hear the Lord saying "it's not about you, my dear!"

How true.  I need to remember that my husband's relationship with God is between him and God.  I am not part of that equation.  I'm called to love him and pray for him, period!

Ephesians & Marriage: Love, Respect and Submission

I just started reading a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called Love & Respect.  It is talking about this vicious cycle that many of our marriages fall into.  Women crave and need love.  Men need respect.  If a woman does not feel love from her man, she will most likely not give him respect.  In turn if he does not feel respected, he will often react in unloving ways towards his wife.  So we spiral down in this crazy cycle and unless someone chooses to step out and break it it will be never ending.

A verse quoted in the book which I think I've always glossed over is Ephesian 5:33

However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Wow - can't be much clearer than that!  I decided to read this verse in context and skipped back up to verse 22 and reread Ephesians 6 from verse 22 to 33.  Interesting how many new things popped up to me.

The first verse speaks of the wife submitting to the husband.  I know this verse has been a huge contention for many before.  We hear the word submission or submit and cringe.  But God has given me this word over my life this year and I'm beginning to see it in a new light.  For me I'm learning to submit to His Love this year.  To truly understand and accept how much He loves me unconditionally.  Seems pretty easy on the surface, but for some reason I've been programmed all my life to feel that I have to perform for love.  I have to do something to earn the love of others.  So this is a new concept for me.  I've known for quite awhile that God's salvation, forgiveness and mercy were free gifts.  But I'm just beginning to understand that His love is also a free gift.

But I digress.  I know many who will recognize verse 22 about wives submitting to their husbands, but only if verse 25 is fulfilled.  Verse 25 tells husbands to love their wives the same as Christ loves the Church.  This is true, husbands should love their wives in this way.  However, stating that you won't submit to your husband until he shows you the love detailed in verse 25 is putting us right back into that crazy downward spiraling circle - the Love & Respect cycle.

So, once again - someone has to step out and decide the marriage is more important than their "rights".  Someone has to step out and say - "Lord, I know you want me to love my spouse unconditionally, just as you love me.  Even if in the world's eyes he/she does not deserve it!"  Will you choose to be this person?  Will you choose during those tough times instead of clinging to your rights, to go to the Lord and ask Him for strength and to fill you with love for your spouse?  To help you to see them through His eyes?

Today, a good friend of mine explained that the original meaning of the word submit was actually to come up from beneath someone and to give them support.  This makes so much sense.  As wives we were created to be our husband's helpmeet.  That is why God created Eve for Adam and nothing has changed since then.  It makes sense that as wives we are to submit, to come up under our husbands and support them.  To do this we must show them respect and unconditional love - even when we don't believe they deserve it.  We can only do this through the strength of the Lord.

Now, given our husbands are not perfect and we should not follow them into something that goes against the Lord, however if we truly learn to turn to God in submitting to our husband, respecting them and loving them, He will be faithful to show us in those circumstances how to stand for Him and His Truth in a way that is loving and respectful. 

In the end, it all comes back to the Lord.  He is the one asking us to submit to our husbands and He is the one who will show us how to do so and give us the strength to do it.  And in the end, He will bless us, our husbands and our marriages if we are obedient.

Love Dare - Love is not Irritable

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.  ~ Proverbs 16:32

This dare has really spoken to me today.  This relates to not only my marriage, but my entire family.  I want to be less irritable with my husband and my children.  I want to do less yelling and more loving of my family, showing them grace and letting God's love flow through me to them.

According to the Love Dare book, there are two contributing reasons to irritability.  The first is stress.  While I do have this in my life, it is not to the extent that I've had in the past.  So you would expect my irritability with my family would have lessened over the past year.  But this does not seem to be the case.

The second reason was selfishness.  This is usually due to lust (being ungrateful for what you have and burning with desire for things you don't have), bitterness, greed and pride.  Ouch!  I think this is where my irritability stems from, pride probably being the biggest culprit.

In Matthew 12:34 Jesus says "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  If this is true (and since it is God's words, it is) then what is in my heart is not good.

So, the question is how to change this.  I need my heart so filled with God's love that it overflows into all areas of my life.  The key is love.  As my heart is filled with God's love the selfishness and therefore the irritability will fade from my life.

Recently I came across a suggestion to find 40 verses in the Bible about anger.  To write them down and then read them at least 2 times a day aloud for 40 days.  By the end of that time the verses would begin to be written on your heart and at times when irritability begins to rise you will be able to use these verses.  I really like this idea and have begun a search for my 40 verses.

However, last night as I thought on this more I realized that while these verses are the Words of God and therefore, full of power, they would only help to keep down the irritability and anger in my heart.  They would in a way just be a mask or a reactive solution to the root cause.  Memorizing these verses are definitely good, but I felt there needed to be more.

I need to fill my heart with God's love so there is no room for the selfishness that breeds irritability and anger instead of just learning how to fight these emotions/reactions.  How do I do this? 

It came to me that this is why I've been studying David and his heart for God.  The way to fill my heart with God's love is to pursue His heart and His emotions.  To understand His love for me.  So I decided in addition, to these 40 verses dealing with anger, I'm going to search Scriptures for 40 verses regarding God's unfailing and passionate love for me and I will read those 2 times a day as well. 

I believe if I begin to start and end my days with verses about how much the Lord loves me even in my weakest moments, this may finally really sink into my mind and heart.  At that point I won't be able to help but return the same love to the Lord.  As His love fills my heart and life I will find more patience and peace with my family - those I love the most.

Improving your Marriage by Gazing Upon Him

I've recently started a study of David and his heart for God.  I have a desire to one day stand before my Lord and hear the words "Well done my good and faithful servant.  You are a woman after my own heart."

I posted about gazing on God's beauty on my other blog today and how the more I pursue and understanding of God's heart, emotions and love for me the greater my love for Him grows.  As this love grows my desire to follow Him and spend time with Him also grows.  I don't need to earn His love nor can I.  I don't have to work to be a "good" christian because as I realize how passionate he is about me I will naturally walk closer with Him.

Now you may ask - why post here if I already posted on my other blog tonight about this?  The reason is because focusing on God's beauty and His heart not only draws me closer to Him, it draws me closer to my dear husband.  As I gaze upon God and pursue an understanding of His heart, I am naturally filled with love for Him.  This love overflows into my other relationships as well.

I've found that as I fall more and more in love with my Lord, I'm also falling in love with my husband all over again.  Those giddy high school girl feelings that I had 17 years ago when he would walk in the room are coming back.  I'm focusing on all the things I love about him instead of those things that annoy me.  And I'm doing this without any effort because it is just coming naturally, like it did when we first started dating.  It is amazing!

So today - my advice for each of you out there who wants to improve your relationship with your husband is to pursue an understanding of God's love for you.  As you do, His love will fill you and overflow onto your husband.  As you gaze upon the Lord, He will open your eyes and heart to see yourself and your beloved in a new light.

Love Dare - Love is Not Rude

I've been on this dare for quite awhile now.  This seems to be the hardest to date for me which is kinda sad considering it is only Day 5!  But the truth of it is that I'm scared - I'm scared to carry out this dare, but determined not to skip over it.  So here I am stuck on Day 5. 

Why am I scared?  Well, here is a little excerpt from the Day 5 dare:

King Solomon said it well - "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" - Proverbs 25:24. Are you unpleasant to be around in your own home? Do you even realize how unpleasant you can be to live with? Test yourself with these questions (be brutally honest):

• How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
• How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?
• Would your husband say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?

Now, I'm under no illusions as to whether or not I need to improve in this area. I am by no means sitting here reading this thinking "Oh yeah, my husband needs to work on these things!"  Sure, he does but this is about changing me so I love him the way the Lord intended.  It's focus is not on changing him.  And I know that I've failed here.

So here I sit, praying for the courage to step up and do this day's dare.  Praying that when I do I can put aside the defensiveness and hurt that is sure to follow if my beloved gives an honest answer.  A huge part of me does not want an honest answer from him, but deep down I know that an honest answer is what I need.

Here is the Day 5 Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking him or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

Lord,
I ask that you give me courage to find a quiet time to sit down and sincerely ask my husband to give me an honest answer to the above question.  I pray that he'll not feel the need to sugar-coat his answer, that he'll be honest with me so that we an move forward in our marriage.  And Lord, I pray that you'll help me to really hear his answer.  To not beome defensive, to not justify my behavior or attack him with things he does.  This is not about me, this is about improving my marriage and loving my husband.  Help me to humble myself to you and to him, to put aside myself to focus on allowing you to transform me into the wife you desire me to be.  To focus on loving him.  In your preciouse name, Jesus ~Amen!

Love Dare - Love is Thoughtful

I'm now leading the Love Dare for an online group of Moms. This is really making me think even more about these (we are doing one each week) so that I have something meaningful to share with the other moms each week.

Day 4 (or this week's dare for our group) is Love is Thoughtful. One thing it mentions is how when we first met we used to honestly be able to say "I can't stop thinking about you!" because it was true. We really did think about them all day long. We thought about the wonderful times we had just spent with them and dreamed about the future times we would have together. We thought about things we could do for them to let them know how much we were thinking of them.

But then we get married, get jobs, have children and start to take one another for granted. We no longer think about that person throughout our day, let alone think about what we could do to make them happy. The times we do tend to spend our day obsessing over them is usually because we are angry/hurt about something they did or said, not because we are thinking about how much we love them and can't stand having to wait to see them again.

So this week I want to dwell on those first months when my husband and I first started dating. Not as I have in the past when I look back and wonder where the "spark" went and why we no longer have it. No, instead of looking back longing for the days of old, I am going to look back and think about what I did different then, how I thought differently than I do now. Maybe that is what is really missing now, not a "spark" but a way of thinking.

I am going to remember how my heart raced when I saw him walk into a room and ask myself why that happened then. Maybe it was because during the day leading up to that sighting I had been thinking constantly on all the wonderful qualities of this man (okay so he was a boy at the time!) that I had just started dating.

I'm going to make an effort to do two things. One, to dwell throughout my day on what a wonderful man the Lord has blessed me with and two, to rediscover what things I can do or say to be thoughtful towards this man. How can I make his day better? Not because I want him to treat me that way but because I love him and have a desire to please him.